You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
It's official drugs can't kill me
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Randomize
