How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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