i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
