i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
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