Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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