We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize