I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I woke up under a house in Key West
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