Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
