fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
