New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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