I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
