Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
