You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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