i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize