My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
