she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
