I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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