I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
The ass gains better be worth it
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