I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
