hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
