His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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