Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I have aggressive nipples.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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