Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
