The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
