I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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