went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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