Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
