This is not my ceiling
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
