His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
