I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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