she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
