If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
