You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
