Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
