Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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