I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
