living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize