He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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