Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
