I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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