just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
