would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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