I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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