I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
