not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Who died my cat blue again?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
