You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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