I smell stomach acid.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
