Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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