Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
