I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
