you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Randomize
