pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
