Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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