see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
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