I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
