Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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