THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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